| Yesterday I woke up as I have for the last several weeks,a bit tired and with my mind heavily occupied with all the changes and pending decisions the Kavys are processing. Since my last post we have finalized the sale of our home inBozeman,moved all 14 years,my entire adult life,into an 11×25 storage unit,and temporarily moved in with my parents. These were all major steps in our next adventure:moving to Colorado. With much of our life packed in boxes and no home to call our own one can imagine I have spent most of the past weeks pondering,questioning,and at times doubting just what am I doing. So with a hot cup of coffee I set about my day just as I had the past and then I got a text that shook me to my core. The text informed me of the passing of my teammate and friend Matt Bradley. I had come to know Matt 1.5 years ago when he reached out to me as he explored the possibility of amputating his leg due to rare form of cancer. It was clear in our early communications that Matt was a driven and passionate man that was not about to let cancer or the loss of his leg slow him down. His attitude resonated with me and I was excited to embark on the journey of getting him back on his bike and racing once again. At the time I would have never imagined that 10 months later I would be lining up at the World Championships with Matt as teammate.  Matt left center following WC Road Race Denmark Over the past year and a half,I had gotten to know Matt on many levels. I was struck at just how intentionally he lived his life be it in his role as an educator,advocate for the oppressed or on the bike:Matt lived life completely. Rarely did I hear Matt speak of the future in terms of worry,unknowns or doubt. Rather he spoke of future goal and visions in the terms of what he was doing now in the present in order to achieve the end objective. Naturally my heart sank at the news of his passing first on a purely emotional level as I imagined not enjoying another shared moment together. But soon my feelings evolved to something much deeper and more sobering as I read the messages left by so many that he has touched during his life on his Facebook page. From the words shared by Matt’s friends I began to process my own state of life. Yet again,I am painfully reminded by just how short life can be and more importantly how soon it can all come to end on this earth. Most striking though for me was the time to pause and reflect on my own life and more specifically the now I am living in. For weeks I have been living much of my hours in the future which home,where,when,how and on and on but suddenly I was present. I am reminded of just how blessed I am to have a beautiful wife and two healthy and lively children. I am living a dream of racing my bike all over the world. Through my life story I am helping others to find their own voice and begin living their own dreams. Despite the unknowns,the doubts,the challenges,I am living. But to be most effective,I need to be present. Matt’s passing has reminded me to be intentional now,not tomorrow. Today,I awake to a hot cup of coffee in hand,present. Today I am prepared to train to the best of my ability,love as a husband,parent,and friend is called to,and committed to positively impacting others. I am confident LIVING today will answer tomorrow’s unknowns,erasing any doubt in the journey we are on. Rest in Peace Matt;you were a fine example of what it means to be living. 
It has been a week since my last event at the World Championships. In those seven days I have traveled to Dallas for a speaking opportunity with The Hartford,we packed up our rental home in Long Beach,Amelia and I drove back to Bozeman,we unpacked and now we are in the throws of packing up life here in Bozeman as we embrace a new adventure in Colorado. In short,I have a bit on my mind. Thus it has been difficult to really unpack all my thoughts/emotions from Worlds. So here is my knee-jerk take on things. For the first time I dedicated myself to a single event on the track:the individual pursuit. I believe this event aligns well with the direction my cycling has been developing over the past few years,but not training with the sprinters during track workouts took some adjustment. Adapt I did,and I quickly found myself very encouraged with my progress throughout the training in LA. By the time Worlds rolled around I was confident in my ability to make the finals for a medal in the event. Rested and excited for race day I was looking to have one of my best days on the track,a day when everything came together. Unfortunately,by the time the clock stopped my time told a different story. For reasons I am still unaware of,my legs did not show up on race day and I clocked a time well off my training times netting me a 6th place. My disappointment was very evident yet I still struggle to find fault with my game plan or the effort that I put into the pedal. I finished the pursuit fully drained but none the less having gone much slower than anticipated. My only explanation is that phenomenon of luck or fortune that often makes the difference between an average performance and a great one. My second competition was the Kilometer,an event I had invested little if any specific training time to in months. Despite this lack of attention I was able to capitalize on my natural sprint to carry me to a personal best for the LA Velodrome. It should be noted that the LA track and I have a bit of a love/hate relationship. I really enjoy racing and training on the LA track as it is our finest velodrome venue in the states. However,in competition it has all too often gotten the best of me,sapping me of my strength and sending me home dragging my tail. My final event at Worlds was on face-value,the least important and the biggest unknown. For the first time in Paralympic history we hosted a mass start event,the Scratch race. Not only would this be the first mass start race on the track for Paralympic athletes in World competition it marked my first mass start on a track ever. To say I was nervous would be a bit of an understatement. The race would entail 22 riders on the line for a 40 lap first-to-cross-the line wins race.  For the first half of the race I could focus on little else than my front wheel and immediate surroundings. On several occasions I avoided mass carnage thanks to a solid shoulder or a quick flick of the front wheel. But as my confidence grew I was able to trust my bike handling skills and began racing with a broader awareness of what was going on both in front and behind me in the race. With half the race to go,I had a teammate in a break up ahead. This placed me in the role of defending my teammate’s position by attempting to foil any attempts to bridge the gap. Unlike the days earlier my legs were feeling alive with plenty of pop. I played my roll of defense as best I could successfully preventing other riders from bridging the gap. I also won the bunch sprint at the end for 9th. 
Despite my reservations for the scratch race in the beginning this event was my personal highlight of Worlds and I am eagerly anticipating next year’s Worlds when it will become an official World Championship event. So at this point what are my take homes? Evaluating my overall fitness I am pleased with my conditioning at this point in the season and despite my finishes at Worlds I know that I have the strength necessary to finish on the podium with the Worlds best. Over the next few weeks training data will be crunched and digested as my coach and I draft a training plan that will deliver me on the podium in 190 days in London. It has been some time since I have settled down long enough to put some of the endless thoughts floating in my head into words. But here are few aimed at helping pin point just where the Kavys are at the moment. At the close of 2011,Sara and I sat down to discuss some planning for the coming year. During our discussion the most striking statistic of the year was my absence from the family. All totaled I was gone for more than 170 days. Neither Sara or I desired to make this a common theme as we both firmly believe we are at our best when at one another’s side. So the cogs of change sprung to life. In fitting fashion the speed with which change is happening has been anything but slow since acknowledging change was needed. Now I will admit many of the things that are now coming to reality have been floating in and out of our consciousness for some time,but up until a month or so ago it all seemed nearly impossible. Priority number one has been maximizing the time we are together as a family. Thus the first big change has been that Sara and I rented a house in Long Beach,CA and will be living in SoCal through mid February. This move allows me to prepare and focus on the upcoming Track World Championships in ways that I have not been able to in the past while still having direct contact with Sara and the kids. Last week was moving week with Sara and the kids flying in to meet here and move in our new home. The first few days were a bit bumpy with cranky/exhausted kids but by the end of the week we were enjoying time (post ride) on the beach as a family and soaking in the sun. Each morning I find myself reading through the weather report and cringing just a little at highs hovering just above zero back in Montana as I pull on my shorts for the 13th day in an row. So where are the Kavys? Count us down as just another one of those Montana to California transplants…for 6 weeks that is.  It ‘s not possible in life to make every challenge/race priority number one…well that is until you’re on the start line. As an athlete,I realize that in any given season there will always be events that are of lower priority;where their primary objective is one of training/honing a specific skill set. Likewise,there is a select few events in which your sole objective is to arrive at the start line ready to exhibit your absolute best physically and mentally.
Now this concept is easy to define on paper. However when it comes to real life application it becomes more complex. While I believe we all can appreciate the need to prioritize challenges,I also contend that the majority of us throw that thinking to the wind on the start line. The reality is that while my season has long been planned out with A,B and C races,when I take the start line at each race,every moment becomes a priority. Thus,at the conclusion of each event I find myself in deep reflection on my result and overall performance. Unfortunately,many times in the year this may find me frustrated and disappointed. On the surface my disappointment typically lies solely in the ultimate placing. As one of the top bike racers in the world,I have an expectation that in each race my results reflect that. However the truth is,I can not possibly maintain top form indefinitely…my body needs a break from time to time and in those moments the immediate consequence will often be a slide in placing. Such was the case for much of my racing this past week at the Parapan Games in Guadalajara,Mexico. In the lead up to the Parapan Games,I had been instructed by my coach to take a break from the day to day drills and the regimented training program. After 9 months of racing riddled with priority races,my body and mind were approaching burn out. This became more apparent when I was blind sided by a common cold that manifested itself into a raging beast. It left me fighting complete exhaustion and a temperature of 104+ for 5 days the week before the Parapan Games. Flying to Mexico I was calm and relaxed,focusing on clean racing execution and not on overall time/placing. As the clock counted down from 5 in the time trail,such thoughts were instantly replaced with a win. Thirty minutes later the facts hinted towards a well-executed ride that just so happened to be slow. My result was consistent with the preparation and where I was in my training season yet I was all but devastated. My thoughts were overwhelmed with thoughts of failure. I do not race my bike to finish mid pack;I race to win. In the following days I would carry this burden of supposed failure into the Kilometer TT on the track. And while I road a respectable time,it was far from my best and consequently only added to my frustration. With two more events yet to contest,I needed to change things and fast. As an athlete we often focus only on the physical things we can do to become strong;completely overlooking the significance our mind can play in performance. The truth is,when anything becomes questionably difficult we will at some point have to fight off the demon of doubt that tells our aching legs that there is still more in the tank. As I analyzed my performances from the first two races,I realized that regardless of my physical fitness and overall placing,my only real disappointment and failure was not a lack of fitness/speed but rather my inability to appreciate any effort that was done to the best of my ability. Armed with this brighter outlook I readied myself in the start gate of the Individual Pursuit,committed to riding a perfect race;one that would leave me physically destroyed and mentally transfixed on precise execution. It did not result in a medal,but I road my best pursuit ever,5 hundredths of a second from setting a new American record. To say I was pleased with the performance was an understatement. Can I go faster? …Yes,with time,but on that day I believe I left it all out there. I applied this same thinking to the road race and felt great right up until flat number one hit. Still motivated,I fought to chase the peloton back down but the second flat took the wind from my sails. In short the Parapan Games was a great learning experience and a vital assessment of where I am physically and mentally. This is the beginning of the next 10 months before London. I feel good about the foundation I’m starting with and now it’s time to start erecting the walls! The prologue to the off season was our Track National Championships. One would imagine that the National Championships were a pretty high priority. Unfortunately for this year,my body,mind and will power rebelled. That is not to say that on race day I did not show up ready to race. No,I was ready and excited to race;I just had not done anything to prepare or be at my best. In fact,before my first race I had not ridden on a velodrome,let alone ridden my track bike,in over 6 months. With that said I had pretty good legs and hoped to hold my own with the athletes that were making this event a top priority. I was surprised though,to ride the top qualifying time in the pursuit,edged out for silver in the finals,and then follow it up with a silver in the kilometer after breaking my shoe mid-race. Off season was upon me the moment I crossed the final finish line,and soon the entire team was placing doughnut orders and plotting the next edible indulgence. Ahhh life of the irresponsible…. So here I sit in the airport a little over a week since the start of my off season. Turns out the definition of off is still riding regularly and abstaining from doughnuts. However,the computers,data collection and constant ride analysis are turned off. In that time,I have spent more time with my family then I have in the past 6 weeks combined. I have loved and cherished every moment but in all honesty it has been a bit painful to realize how much changes in my absence,and I admit just how much I miss the physical contact of my family. Soon we will begin a new season…a big season…training is going to be more intense as will the daily demands of surviving and thriving as a family of four. I realize for us to achieve these goals and overcome the challenges ahead I need to be with my family. As with each new year changes are afloat,what,how,where,when… Sara and I are not sure. What we do know though is that in whatever way it all plays out,we will be a better,stronger family having shared hand-in-hand life’s many adventures…living without limitations. | |
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